Surviving the terrible threes...

Being three is rough. Your mom has a stroke and goes to the hospital, your brother steals your toys, it is a tough life. Being an amazing aunt, I understand this, so I decided to take a little Vance for a day in the park.

What I didn't know was that my little nephew is also an aspiring photographer. Never to crush the dreams of a child I gave him my camera and let him go to town. Below is a small sampling of his work.

At first glance, I thought this was a rock. No. Vance explained that this rock is our family, and is in our house, which I am guessing is the patch of grass. Very symbolic.

Having been shamed in my mis-interpretation of the rock, I asked what this was. He looked at me, like I was an idiot, and told me, "a tree".

Being his favorite person in the world, naturally you would assume there would be several shots of me. I think this is his best work, showing off all my best features.

My day with Vance taught me one important lesson. When life has you down, you've got to swing it away. As Vance said, "Look Tif, I'm not crying anymore!"

The Church of Calico

Calico Ghost Town is awesome! Amazing! I recommend taking a trip. But, you ask, how do I go and ensure I have an amazing experience? Glad you asked! Below is my guide for how to have a successful trip to Calico Ghost Town!


On the drive down, be sure to stop in Baker for Alien Jerky. Please note, jerky is not actually made from aliens. Appears to be made from beef, however, it is possible it is made from cows that have been abducted by aliens.

Don't forget to bring your cowboy hat, guns, and holster to ensure you are properly attired to blend in with the local residents, and fight off silver thieves as the situation may arise.

Be sure to visit many of the shops on Calico's Main Street. The woodworking shop has many treasures, as well as puzzles to challenge every skill level.

The most recognized form of currency in the Old West is the cold steel of the semi-automatic sitting on your hip. (That's right, I stole it. I'm an outlaw.)

Beware of breaking the law. Punishments are dealt quickly in Calico.

After making bail, be sure to visit the leather tooling shop and make your own leather bookmark. Nothing says fun like bookmarks!

The men of Calico can be very attractive, with the guns and rustic charm. Beware of forming attachments with the wrong type of men, like Jessie. She didn't stand a chance.

When the local saloon asks you to take a turn as a saloon girl, remember, the answer is ALWAYS yes.

The saloon can be full of danger, so come prepared to face the vengeance of the Old West. All disputes are settled the old fashioned way. It's the law of Calico.

After making bail for a second time, it is probably time to head home. On the way home, be sure to stop in Baker again, but this time at the Mad Greek Cafe. Don't let the name scare you, I have yet to see a Mad Greek actually eating there. Only happy Greeks. With gyros and strawberry milkshakes.

I dreamed my whole desk was clean...

Guess what? It's that time of year again. Busy season. You know how I know? When I left work tonight, my desk looked like this.

Basically, it looks like the inside of my head.

Try not to be too jealous.

Cameras are fun!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year all you blog people you! I hope it was amazing and all that jazz. I decided that instead of just tell you how awesome my life is, I would show you! Yay! All with the help of my new tiny pocket sized camera! (Prepare yourself for picture overload. Don't say I didn't warn you.)

This year for Christmas my parents got a bouncy house! Yay! Trust me, life is better when you have a bouncy house. Supposedly, it is "for the grandkids", but Jared and I know better. We know.

The traditional Christmas Day cleaning of the guns. We start them early. He may only be 2 years old, but that Vance is already quite a shot.

This year I made each of my nieces and nephews bleach pen shirts. Here are Carter-boy and Vance showing off my handy work. As you can tell, they LOVE them. Pretty much I am the best aunt of all time.

Cropstar and I found AWESOME shirts, and we now have magical shaman to guide our lives. Trust me, we know exactly how cool we look.

Every year, at least every year for the past 10 years, after watching the fireworks at midnight, my dad takes gasoline, writes the year in the street, and lights it on fire. It is awesome.

Fireworks are awesome!

I went to a few concerts - I saw a band called 100 Monkeys. The lead singer is apparently the guy who played Jasper in the Twilight movies. However, it took me quite a while to figure out exactly which one he was. Turns out he was this one. It's a good thing it is dark, because otherwise he would be all kinds of sparkly...

And, of course, 100 Monkeys had a mascot. A banana.

And, then it was Cropstar's birthday... and we had to see Flogging Molly. Yay for Flogging Molly!

So, that is my past few weeks in a nutshell. I would like to leave you with my New Year's resolutions for 2010.

1. Become independetly wealthy

2. Contribute money to worthy causes.

3. Have a bridge named after me for all my charitable works.

I don't see how I can fail at this one. Or, maybe I'll just put my name on a bridge and call it good. We shall see.

It's all Tiger's fault...

Today and tomorrow I am in San Francisco attending the National SEC Financial Reporting Conference. It is about as exciting as it sounds. Today at lunch I sat next to a man who was completely fascinated by the fact that I was from Las Vegas. He asked about the downturn in the economy, and I told him yes, times were tough for the casinos on the Strip. He responded, "Well, and this Tiger Wood's situation can't help either."

"Why would the Tiger Wood's situation have anything to do with Las Vegas?"

"Well, now that he got caught, married men won't feel as comfortable coming to Las Vegas. That has to hurt the bottom line."

"It only takes one bad apple to ruin the whole bunch, doesn't it?"

I see a whole new marketing campaign here.

I'm back!

So, for some reason, at the beginning of October, I lost the desire to blog. Gasp! I know. But, then at Thanksgiving, I realized I missed blogging and wanted to return to the cyber world. But, then I felt pressure, because my first blog back needed to be really really funny. Too much pressure! So, here it is, my blog return, and it isn't that funny, so get over it.

As part of my "30 while 30" list, I have to learn to play the guitar. Ms. McGee, Cha Cha, and I have all signed up for a 5 week course at UNLV. After taking this class, we are forming a girl band. Cropstar will be our drummer.

Seeing as how I am actually signed up for a guitar class, and I currently don't have a guitar, you would think my #1 priority would be finding a guitar. But, it is not. My #1 priority is coming up with a name and t-shirt design for our girl band. No band can survive without a good name or t-shirt design. And, more importantly, if we come up with the t-shirt design soon, we can get them made so the three of us can wear them together to the first day of class so everyone else will know we are super cool.

So, I am open to suggestions. Ideas for our band?

Also, as a side note, UNLV offers all sorts of fun continuing education classes. Up next, cake decorating. Watch out world!

Livin' la Vida Loca

I love live music. Apparently, it is my passion. I would see almost anyone in concert, except not Dixie Chicks or Garth Brooks, because I do have standards. The last week of September was a concert filled extravaganza.

Saturday night: Yeah Yeah Yeahs (see post below)
Wednesday night: Air Raid Anthem at the Beauty Bar, along with various other local bands. (Check them out on iTunes!)
Thursday night: Flogging Molly at the Pearl, best venue in Las Vegas. I love Irish rock.
Saturday night: The Killers in Salt Lake City. Simply amazing.

The show in Salt Lake City involved a road trip with my girls, which was pretty much as perfect of a weekend as you can get. The only dark mark on this perfect weekend was the reluctance of my good friend; we will call her “Hot Cop”, to arrest me. Background story. Hot Cop is an actual police officer, patrolling the streets of Utah, keeping us all safe. And, she carries hot pink handcuffs. I am a good, law abiding citizen who has never been arrested, nor do I have any plans to actually be arrested. This is why I came up with the perfect plan, a picture of me being arrested by Hot Cop, leaning up against the police car, being frisked, wearing the hot pink handcuffs. Funny for everyone involved, and a picture to show my mom and freak her out! Perfect! But Hot Cop refused! So, to provide Hot Cop some extra incentive the next time I make it to Utah, below is a list of actual laws in the State of Utah that I have broken. (All laws have been verified by the website www.dumblaws.com. And, the Internet never lies.)

1. Birds have the right of way on all highways.
When I was attending BYU I drove a red Bronco, and I am talking the full size old school Bronco, and it was amazing. One day while driving down I-15 with my brother and sister, a hawk went into a dive straight for the car. We saw it coming, and because of traffic, were unable to do anything to prevent the inevitable, and instead took our only course of action, which was screaming at the top of our lungs. The hawk hit the top of the windshield, bounced off, and landed on the side of the freeway where we can only assume he died. Because I failed to give a bird the right of way, I am a bird murderer.

2. It is considered an offence to hunt whales.
I think everyone is well aware of my pro-whale hunting stance. Sure, it is controversial, like a pro-littering stance, but we all need to stand up for what we believe. A few years ago, our family took a vacation to Tonga, and I don’t even have words to describe how awesome and beautiful it was. One of the most amazing experiences we had was the opportunity to swim with whales. And when I say swim with whales, I mean these large ocean dwelling mammals were 10 feet away from us. But, before we were able to swim with the whales, we had to first find the whales, which involved a whale hunt. That is right, in Tonga, I hunted whales. Another law of Utah broken.

3. Throwing snowballs in Provo will result in a $50 fine.
I spent 5 years of my life living in Provo, going to BYU, and was involved in several snowball fights, and threw MANY snowballs. And, I never paid any fines. I am sure there is a warrant out for my arrest on this one.

These are the laws of Utah that I have already broken. There are a few others I intend to break at my next available opportunity. Pictures will be coming.

1. No one may walk down the street carrying a paper bag containing a violin.
I have the violin and paper bag all ready. Just need the street.

2. Auctions may not be advertised by hiring trombone players to play on the street.
I have already hired the trombone player. And, I have my auction all ready.

So, Hot Cop, you can clearly see, I am a dangerous person, in need of a fake arrest to scare me straight. Hot Cop, take me away.