I'm back!!!

It's over! My report is filed, and now I can turn my attention back to more important things, like this blog, and telling you how I became a fat girl.

I am hearing the collective sigh, and the resounding, "but you're not fat". I don't want to hear it. I am what they call a lucky fat girl, or as I refer to it "skinny fat". I have KFC chicken and cupcakes running through my veins. In the past, my routine of fast food and not exercising had no effect on my ability to fit in my pants, only my ability to climb a flight of stairs without panting, and to die at a young age from heart disease. Those days are now over. I don't know if it is my pending 30th birthday, or the fact that it is Girl Scout cookie season, but I can no longer fit into my purple velvet pants. Something has got to change.

(Just so you know, I personally blame the Girl Scout cookies. Girl scout cookies are made of crack. It is the only way to explain how addictive they are. I am ashamed, yet oddly proud, to admit that I have finished off 4 boxes of cookies, one of which was a box of thin mints eaten in a 4-hour window, and I have 3 partially eaten boxes to go. During the past 2 weeks, I have on more than one occasion tried to stalk the Girl Scouts by driving store to store. When the driving became a problem, I was forced to find a reliable source. That is right, now I have a dealer for my addiction. But, at least I am doing my part to help out the economy.)

Thus was born my brain child, my greatest creation to date. I'm not only the President of the Fat Girls Club, but I am also a member. The object of this club is not to reward healthy living or losing weight, or whatever your personal goal is, but to punish you for not achieving it. I don't know about you, but I respond so much better when public humiliation is on the line. The club has rules, rules that must be followed on a weekly basis. If a rule has been broken, you face the wheel of punishment. Suggested punishments include posting your weight as your Facebook status. Or, making your profile picture a pre-Fat Girls Club photo of you wearing only spandex. The rules and punishments are not set yet, so tonight after FHE we will be having the first meeting of the Fat Girls Club to vote on and approve all rules and punishments. So, if you are serious about looking good around the pool this summer, and not dieing at a young age from heart disease, come join us!

Oh, and PS... I feel smarter EVERYTIME I read Maren's blog...